Saturday, 8 November 2008

Two foot-itis

Two foot-itis is a well known but little understood malady that affects boaters of every stripe. The symptoms of anyone suffering from two foot-itis include the view that no matter what boat they have right now, one that’s two feet longer would be infinitely better. Or in bovine terms, the grass is always greener....

While I don’t know what the motorcycle equivalent is, I’m sure there must be one as the sickness also affects us. Virtually every rider I have ever met will profess great love and respect for their current ride, but that passion is always tempered by a desire for something bigger, newer, older, chromier, louder, quieter, red, black, or faster. In fact if we had our way and limitless funds we’d be changing bikes as often as we change our socks, or better yet we’d simply do a “Leno” and collect one or more of everything our little hearts’ desired – a custom one, a jet-propelled one, a V-8 powered one, a three-wheeled yellow one.....

But there, protecting us from our own baser instincts, are the spousal unit, the banker (often one and the same), the kids and the mortgage, so we dream away hoping for that lottery win or pay raise that would enable us to indulge our little fantasies. And what makes it all bearable is the sure knowledge that every other rider of our acquaintance is in the same boat – or at least we thought they were.

Which brings me to the point of this story. The brother, a proud (and I thought happy) owner of a 2000 Road King, just announced he’s traded up to a brand new ’08 model.

This is a very strange occurrence because I haven’t heard of any relatives dying recently, and even if they did, none of them have any money to leave behind. Or perhaps the lottery finally paid out, although I haven’t seen his picture in the paper recently holding a big check. I also know for a fact that his wife has not been on an extended vacation in Basutoland so this must have been done with some prior knowledge and acceptance but, like all good Presbyterians, her arms are just slightly shorter than the depths of her pockets so this was not likely a birthday present (besides his birthday is in April).

Perhaps it was the old mid-life crisis line – “Well dear, the way I see it I can either get a new bike or a mistress. What do you think?” Naw, probably not. Didn't work for me either.

Regardless, however he managed such a stunning coup I can only look on in envy and say, “Well done. When can I take it for a ride?”


  1. Hi David...being a boater, I can relate to the "two foot-itis" you allude to and I've seen many of my boating friends succumb to two foot-itis and the mortgage payments that go along with it.

    Myself, I've kept my reliable 27 footer which I bought brand new at a boat show 25 years ago and I'm quite happy with it.

  2. Gary:
    It's folks like you what cause unrest among the male boating fraternity! ;-)

  3. Au contraire my canajun ami......all of my boating friends are in awe of the fact that I knew exactly what I wanted from the beginning.

  4. I've heard all kinds of things, but never Two foot-itis. That's a good one. I can really get behind that concept when it comes to motorcycles. If I had my way, like you said, I'd be like Lenno.

  5. Mr. M:
    Yeah, you can pick up all kinds of salty language hanging around those boaters... :)


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